I found myself in various circumstances judging others or not accepting when things went in a way that I didn’t think was right.
These situations have led me to have states of anxiety and not accept everything that happened around me.
But what do I gain from judging others? What did they do? Or what do they say? Nothing!
In recent months I have realized how much easier it is to hide behind this judging rather than pointing the finger at myself, looking inside me, understanding what are the things I really want to change about my life, and discover who I am.
When I try to turn the pages and read inside me everything seems to collapse on me, the wall that I have built around me to try to protect myself from everything that can hurt me, crumbles, and I fall into a great black hole of sadness and confusion.
From here to recovery is more and more difficult, but over the years I have learned to strengthen the wall more and more instead of breaking it down, and when I try to get inside it is more and more difficult and painful.
What I decided to do, after the umpteenth fall, was to raise myself, without the wall or rather trying to remove a few bricks to make it a little lower every day.
I’m trying to see everything on the best possible side, trying not to judge anyone and above all not to build fake people in my head who just want to hurt me, those people are my biggest ghosts, or rather they are all my fears.
My judgment is the surest way to hide my fears in the sand, hide them as best we can, and never overcome them. But I’m too big to hide my head like ostriches and I have to get a move on, by now pulling up my sleeves and breaking down that wall that I have built with so much hard work.
Building it cost me a lot, especially negatively, I thought I was protecting myself and instead over time I only created more discomfort for myself and for others.
Often my being kind seems false and people think I hide an ulterior motive or a personal advantage. It is not so but if others see it maybe it is true. Maybe It’s the time to understand which person is ready to show themselves and which parts, such as judging others, it’s time to put aside.