Every year, on the first day of the year, I take pen and paper and write down all my good intentions for the year that has just begun.
In the last few years, I have always done this thing with a special friend and for the first time, in 2022, I do it alone. The first thing I wrote in my diary is that this is my year, and all the things I decide to do are for myself.
So I would say that doing this alone is in line with my goal, a little bit sad, yes; and therefore the year could not have started in the best possible way.
This is my year
I felt the need to come to terms with some fears that I have to learn to abandon or better still manage better.
My biggest fear? Being alone and being abandoned. You will say: “Who does not have this fear?” For me, however, it’s a very difficult situation to manage. Let’s say that I also really admitted it to myself for a very short time.
When I love people, I “attack” them like mussels, and it often becomes difficult, over time, to understand how to control the relationship I have with them. They are always in their life, maybe too much, and I can never control the way I manage emotions when they want to stay by themselves.
Sometimes it happens that these people go away, often without explanation, or rather without understanding what they have to tell me.
I think they pull me away, but often they just need space. Why don’t I get it? Maybe I have a different way to see and cultivate relationships or maybe, my fear blinds everything around me, and I can no longer see what the true reality is.
How to overcome my greatest fear?
This is also a good question, or rather a very difficult one… I haven’t understood it yet.
A friend told me: that sometimes you have to say NO and think more about yourself, but for me, it is a very, very difficult thing to do.
Being there for people, and often being condescending, is a normal thing for me. I don’t find it strange, I don’t find it “too much” and therefore I don’t understand why it seems so.
Since more than someone has pointed out to me this strength/weakness of mine, I have thought about it almost every day but still, I have not found the most suitable answer to what I am looking for or better how to try to solve the problem.
Let’s say that a little “enlightenment” came when I was in Lisbon. There, I met a friend, a very special girl, and she told me: “Always being there for others is part of you, you don’t have to cancel or cancel it, you just have to understand the right balance between what makes you feel good and what makes others feel good too”.
Easy to say, but difficult to do. But this is my biggest goal of good intentions for 2022. At the end of the year, I will let you know how I did it and how I decided to overcome these fears of mine!
