Some people do great living in chaos. The kind who book a flight the night before, eat whatever’s in the fridge for dinner, and remember appointments thanks to a random sticky note somewhere.
Not me. I’m a list person. The kind who opens her calendar on a Sunday “just to check one thing” and somehow ends up planning the exact time she’s going to drink water.
The truth is, organizing your life is an incredibly delicate balancing act, and over time you realize it’s not always possible.
Kind of like packing for a long trip: you want to be ready for anything, but if you’re throwing in the iron too, you might be taking it a little far.
My obsession with organization, maybe
I’m a precise person. I like waking up early, even though my bed tries to hold me hostage every morning. I like easing into my day slowly.
Breakfast, natural light, maybe a few pages of a book, 10 minutes of meditation, or just a moment without notifications. When I manage to pull that off, I genuinely feel like the day starts on the right foot.
At the office, people tease me for my spreadsheet of weekly meals. But since I’m rarely home, planning them feels like a form of survival, honestly. If I don’t think ahead about what I’ll eat, I inevitably end up having lunch with a protein bar found at the bottom of my bag and three almonds (or actually, maybe not, since I’m allergic).
So I plan. I prep things ahead of time. I try to keep everything under control.
Which, said like that, sounds like an incredibly efficient life. But the problem is, sometimes I even try to plan energy I don’t actually have.
And then, let’s be honest, if tomorrow I get home and decide to just eat whatever’s around, I do it with zero anxiety and zero guilt.
When control turns into noise
There are days when my calendar looks like the departures board at an international airport.
Calls. Shoots. Gym. Groceries. Work. Content. Messages to answer. Events. Friends. Drinks. Trips. A life to live, ideally with enthusiasm.
And there I am, right in the middle, trying to hold it all together like one of those travelers dragging two suitcases, a coffee, and whatever’s left of their dignity (yep, that was me a few years ago).
The thing is, we often confuse being organized with being productive. But they’re not the same thing. Because you can have every single hour perfectly planned out and still feel completely lost.
You can check off your entire to-do list and still end up feeling empty by nighttime, like you didn’t actually do anything. This happens to me especially when I try to over-optimize. When I turn every free moment into something I “could be using better.”
And that’s exactly where I start to lose myself.
I'm learning to leave room
Lately I’ve been trying to do something incredibly hard for someone like me, who’s used to planning everything: leaving room.
Not filling every single gap in the day. Not expecting myself to be efficient all the time. Not treating rest like it’s wasted time.
I’m starting to understand that maybe a well-organized day isn’t one where you get everything done. It’s one where you make it to the evening without feeling completely drained.
So yes! I still make lists. I still plan out meals and write down basically everything. I still dream of becoming one of those people who wake up at 5:30am to meditate while watching the sunrise with monk-like serenity.
But I’m also learning that life isn’t an Excel sheet full of color-coded cells. It’s taken time, and it’ll keep taking time, but thankfully, I’m also learning to live a little more naturally a little more one day at a time.
